Infidelity: Is Recovery Possible?

Infidelity is doubtlessly a tumultuous experience for a relationship to go through. However, recovery from such shattering turmoil is possible. The idea that an affair necessarily means failure is misleading and detrimental. Affairs do often lead to break ups; however, sometimes affairs can lead to the couple taking a deep dive into the work required to renew their relationship. In such cases, it is possible that the affair is a wake-up call catalyzing a more honest, intimate, and stronger relationship. While no therapist would condone an affair, certainly one could encourage understanding the dynamics and incentive that led to it
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Broken Before the Affair

An affair, physical or emotional, is a betrayal of the worst kind. The one to whom you’ve entrusted your life, who you’ve shared every intimate aspect of living with, now has shared those very aspects of their being with someone else—a place and part of them that should be reserved exclusively for you. You trusted someone with your heart, soul and emotions; you counted on them to keep you safe. An affair shatters the trust, safety, and honesty you believed in.
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Navigating Divorce Recovery

Undergoing a divorce can be overwhelming and traumatic. The momentous task of navigating emotional struggles, as well as practical arrangements such as custody, finances, asset division, etc., can take every ounce of strength and then some. It is important in such a situation to remember that, though feelings are strong right now, you will eventually move past it all.
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How We Deceive Ourselves

Do you ever find yourself acting contrary to what you know is good or what you really want to be about? Or perhaps you know someone who says the right things and seems to present good intentions, but, in fact, they do not actually do much that is consistent with such beliefs. I call this self-deception.
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Can Marital Infidelity Cause PTSD?

Infidelity as Trauma No person has ever said, “I cannot wait to fall in love, give myself completely to my spouse, and then find out one day that he or she has cheated on me!” In marital relationships, sexual betrayal elicits a trauma response. Sexual betrayal is extraordinarily significant and causes deep wounds because it involves an offense against the body, mind, heart, and soul. In a conjugal union, each person is vulnerable and trusting. Because of this, the act of betrayal violates the recipient’s sense of safety and elicits a trauma response. It can destroy your ability to relate
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Attachment Styles and their Effect on Relationships

Attachment style plays a paramount role in partner selection, the quality and dynamics of the relationship, and how long the relationship survives. Attachment style develops in childhood and is based on the relationship experience with parents or primary caregivers. In short, it is the way a child learns to give and receive love…or not. This blueprint acts as a model for our adult relationships.
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Is your anger covering up vulnerable emotions?

Ed sat across from me in an intensive session, not able to wrap his head around the idea that his wife desperately needed him to have some sort of feelings for her. A long marriage, kids, and financial success were in the balance, as she was ready to divorce him because he could not express any kind of deeper emotion and was stoic and cold. I could see him struggling with this notion that he had feelings and needed to share them. One of the first things I do in counseling is see where your deep feelings begin to come
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Narcissism and Emotional Abuse: Paying Attention to Your Path

Many of our blogs identify the narcissist as “him” and the victim as “her.” While most of our content leans that way, and most of the couples who seek our help lean that way, the reality is, not all narcissists are men, nor are women the only victims. We are all, male and female, quite capable of being absolutely arrogant, carelessly emotionally destructive, and acrimoniously self-protective. And the outcome is the same: relationships marred by trauma, brokenness, and deep pain. We end up in relationships that are shallow, void of connection, and wracked with fear and confusion.
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