Can I Make You Change?

I frequently hear people say that we can’t make other people change. Objectively speaking, when push comes to shove, we certainly cannot force another person to change. If we could, we would have everything we wanted and that would probably not be good for us or the other person in the long run. It is within the individual to decide to change. But, do we sometimes use this concept as an excuse not to do everything in our power to help facilitate change in another person?
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Does Time Heal All Things?

We have all heard the adage “time heals all things.“ But, does it really? Have you ever continued to feel guilt or shame because you have not been able to just “get over” something that has happened to you, even though a significant amount of time has passed? Maybe somebody hurt you years ago, but the memory hasn’t stopped haunting you, no matter how many people told you time would heal that wound. Or maybe you’ve been stung by another’s biting comment, “Why can’t you just move on?”
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How do I Know if he’s Really Changing?

Lisa had recently realized that her marriage wasn’t functioning well. She had wrapped her life around Joe, managing the house, the kids, and the schedule to cater to his expectations. Now, several years in, she was becoming aware of some important issues, namely (1) Joe’s “expectations” randomly changed, (2) he did not take her seriously, and (3) he had no real empathy or understanding of her, nor did he seem to want to.
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How Emotional Maturity Affects Your Relationships

Cut a tree open and count the rings—that’ll tell you how old the tree is. Each ring represents the amount of new wood produced during the growing season. Occasionally a tree will go a year without any new growth; sometimes it’ll produce two rings in one year. But, more or less, a ring equals a year. Chronologically, we humans work kind of the same way. Our outside changes—like graying hair or wrinkled and sagging skin—are all common signs of our age. Someone who is 60 years old usually looks around 60 years old.
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Narcissistic Traits or Malignant Narcissism?

No one deserves to be mistreated by another. No one! To be insulated from mistreatment, however, we must always be on the alert for those who would mistreat us. First, let me be clear: any form of narcissism is destructive. Yet, it is one thing to experience abuse at the hands of someone with narcissistic traits and something altogether more debilitating if the abuse has been perpetrated by a malignant narcissist.
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Navigating Stress and Depression Around the Holidays

Thanksgiving is my favorite holiday. As I write this, Thanksgiving is coming up and, this year, my mother and daughter will join my wife and me, as well as an aunt who I rarely see. Others have also been or will soon be invited so we can fill the home with loved ones and enjoy time together for at least a few hours. Holidays can be a wonderful time to bring together the family that you don’t get to see every day. But, for some people, the holidays also bring stress, loneliness, or depression. To-do lists pile up this time
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Is Your Marriage Making You Sick?

For years researchers have championed the positive aspects of being married. Healthy marriages offer us opportunities to have a partner in facing stress, a mate for vacations, not to mention a companion in achieving many of life’s goals. Friend, partner, and even soul-mate. When a marriage is functioning effectively, even our bodies reflect the healing power of close and intimate friendship. But, what happens when your marriage is fraught with bickering and emotional abuse? Medical professionals are quick to inform us about the impact of stress on our bodies. We need to pay attention to what emotional tension does to
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You Reap What You Sow

I learned long ago the rule “garbage in, garbage out.” In other words, you usually get out what you put in. It is the idea of sowing and reaping. If all I plant is corn then that is all I will get. This concept can be applied to marriage as well. What do you want to reap in your relationship? Do you want a relationship that is meaningful, helpful, loving, caring and affectionate? Are you sowing what’s necessary to meet that goal? If not, perhaps you need to sow something else. In other words, change what you’re doing.
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The Value of Suffering

Disappointment and Suffering Have you ever planned a party with the excitement and anticipation of hosting the most perfect evening, where you and all your guests could relax and experience pure joy and happiness? You drew pleasure from considering all the possibilities for food, decorations, and entertainment. You were energized at the thought of bringing joy to your special guests. You even felt significant in anticipation of being complimented and thanked for providing such a special treat. You worked very hard to bring it all together. Then, at the last minute, when everything was in place, the party was canceled
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