Can I Make You Change?

I frequently hear people say that we can’t make other people change. Objectively speaking, when push comes to shove, we certainly cannot force another person to change. If we could, we would have everything we wanted and that would probably not be good for us or the other person in the long run. It is within the individual to decide to change. But, do we sometimes use this concept as an excuse not to do everything in our power to help facilitate change in another person?
Continue Reading

How do I Know if he’s Really Changing?

Lisa had recently realized that her marriage wasn’t functioning well. She had wrapped her life around Joe, managing the house, the kids, and the schedule to cater to his expectations. Now, several years in, she was becoming aware of some important issues, namely (1) Joe’s “expectations” randomly changed, (2) he did not take her seriously, and (3) he had no real empathy or understanding of her, nor did he seem to want to.
Continue Reading

How Emotional Maturity Affects Your Relationships

Cut a tree open and count the rings—that’ll tell you how old the tree is. Each ring represents the amount of new wood produced during the growing season. Occasionally a tree will go a year without any new growth; sometimes it’ll produce two rings in one year. But, more or less, a ring equals a year. Chronologically, we humans work kind of the same way. Our outside changes—like graying hair or wrinkled and sagging skin—are all common signs of our age. Someone who is 60 years old usually looks around 60 years old.
Continue Reading

Setting Yourself on Fire

We’ve all heard the pre-flight instruction, “in the event of a loss of cabin pressure, air-masks will drop from the overhead compartment.  You should put yours on first before helping others.”   Intuitively we know this makes sense, and we probably even do it on airplanes when a crisis calls for it.  So then why do we so often forget this very sentiment in so many other areas of our life?
Continue Reading

Let Your Anger be a Catalyst for Change

She came into her marriage believing they would work through anything.  She thought the times they were immature, or selfish, or careless would simply be the things anyone would walk through as they got older and wiser.  She thought surely God would not allow him to feel okay about raging, deceiving, or dismissing and belittling her. She did not expect a pervasive, steady path toward death of her joy, her hopes, her motivation, or her sense of what she had to offer to the world.
Continue Reading

Therapeutic Healing Process

Do you ever feel like your marriage is adrift, with no one guiding the ship? Do you know something is wrong but no one appears to tell you exactly the problem or exactly what is needed to heal the problems? Have you tried to get help but it seems that it is too little, too late? Terry and Stephen are in that situation, both feeling helpless and hopeless. Both blame the other for their marriage problems, and yet both also sense that someone needs to come in and guide them along a path of healing.
Continue Reading

Could Online Therapy Work For Me?

Have you ever seen a man and woman together in a restaurant who are more engaged with their phones than they are with each other?  One of the curses of our day is that it’s easier to mindlessly scroll through our phones than it is to connect with the person across from us. At the same time, when used well, current technology can allow us to connect with friends and family across the globe, allowing us to keep our relationships strong. We can Facetime or Skype with a loved one and almost feel like they are right there with us!
Continue Reading

Moving Your Marriage Forward

If you’ve done much marriage counseling, you’ve probably experienced “problem-focused” counseling. This is where you go to counseling, talk about a problem and return the following week to rehash the same problem. Or, perhaps you’ve encountered another problem and focus instead on that problem.
Continue Reading