I learned long ago the rule “garbage in, garbage out.” In other words, you usually get out what you put in. It is the idea of sowing and reaping. If all I plant is corn then that is all I will get.
This concept can be applied to marriage as well. What do you want to reap in your relationship? Do you want a relationship that is meaningful, helpful, loving, caring and affectionate? Are you sowing what’s necessary to meet that goal? If not, perhaps you need to sow something else. In other words, change what you’re doing.
“For a person will reap what he sows, because the person who sows to his own flesh will reap corruption from the flesh, but the one who sows to the Spirit will reap eternal life from the Spirit. So we must not grow weary in doing good, for in due time we will reap, if we do not give up. So then, whenever we have an opportunity, let us do good to all people, and especially to those who belong to the family of faith.”
Galatians 6:7-10
Pay attention to the choices you make
We sow into our relationships with every choice we make. We’re faced with choices daily, some significant, some more mundane. We can choose to win an argument or we can choose to stop fighting and focus on our relationship, connection, and loving our spouse. We can choose to think only about what we want out of a situation or we can consider what would be best for our partner. Ask yourself, “Will this action build our bond or tear it down?”
To figure out what you’re sowing and what needs to change, ask yourself these three important questions:
- Where do you want your relationship to be?
- What have been the consequences of your negative actions?
- What are the consequences of your positive actions?
Changing our behavior can be a challenge, but if your relationship is a priority, you’ll put in the work. Your partner needs to feel loved and cared for. If you learn to do things like validate, listen, gain understanding, and give respect, you’ll be well on your way to reaping that close connection.
Are you ready to truly connect with your spouse?
If you’d like to build a stronger connection with your partner or if you want to change the negative things you’re sowing in your relationship, contact the Marriage Recovery Center. We’ll help you get started on the road to healing and restoration!
