Relationship coach Sharmen Kimbrough shares ten things every woman wants her husband to work on in their marriage.
10 Things Every Woman Wants her Husband to Work On
Many couples who seek help for their troubled marriages often assume they understand the needs and expectations of their spouses. However, as a marriage counselor with years of experience, I have found that these assumptions often fall far from the mark. To assist those looking to strengthen their relationships, here are ten common hopes and expectations that women often have when seeking help for their marriages. While these points are not ranked in any particular order, they collectively form a roadmap for building healthier, happier partnerships.
- An Opportunity for Change: A key starting point is to work on kindness. This isn’t about defending yourself or your actions, but rather about creating an environment where open conversations can thrive. Unkindness can shut down discussions, making it difficult to resolve issues.
2. Perception Checking:
- Asking, Not Assuming: Instead of assuming you know what your spouse is thinking or feeling, strive to ask her directly. Engaging in dialogue and understanding her perspective can bridge gaps and foster better communication.
3. Paying Attention to Narratives:
- Opening Up to New Perspectives: Avoid locking yourself into preconceived narratives about situations or her actions. Be open to different viewpoints, as rigid thinking can hinder growth and problem-solving.
- Taking Responsibility: Admit when you’ve made a mistake or behaved in a way that has hurt your spouse. Owning up to your actions without qualification or justification can build trust and pave the way for healing.
5. Identifying Feelings:
- Going Beyond Perceptions: Often, men tend to express thoughts rather than feelings. Work on articulating your emotions—whether frustration, disconnection, or unhappiness—instead of merely stating your perceptions.
- Collaborative Efforts: Building a strong connection involves more than understanding; it requires collaboration and reciprocity. Discuss how you can shape your future together as a team, making the partnership a priority.
7. Catching Your Own Bad Behavior:
- Self-Awareness and Accountability: Be attuned to your actions and their impact on your relationship. Don’t wait for your spouse to repeatedly point out your shortcomings; take charge of your behavior and redirect it positively.
8. Not Being Offended:
- Respecting Her Perspective: Avoid taking offense at everything she says or does. Remember that her sharing is about her feelings and needs, not an attack on you. Learning to listen without offense can foster a more loving and peaceful environment.
9. Dig for Wisdom:
- Embracing Continuous Growth: Show your commitment to improvement by seeking wisdom and searching for better ways to navigate challenges. Be proactive in learning and adapting, rather than insisting on the status quo.
10. Collaboration in Problem-Solving: – A Shared Responsibility: Encourage a collaborative approach to addressing issues. Instead of making your spouse bear the burden of finding solutions, actively participate in problem-solving together.
If your spouse has raised any of these issues or if you recognize opportunities for personal growth, consider taking steps to heal yourself and, in turn, your marriage. A successful partnership requires effort and a willingness to adapt and evolve. By working on these ten aspects, you can create a stronger, more harmonious relationship that both you and your spouse deserve.
Remember, your relationship is a journey, and it’s essential to embrace growth, self-awareness, and change to build a fulfilling and lasting bond. As you focus on these areas, you’ll find that your marriage can thrive, and your connection with your spouse can deepen, creating a happier and healthier life together.
About Dr. Hawkins:
The internet is inundated with hyperbole and misinformation about narcissism, leaving many people confused and hopeless. Get the facts on narcissism and emotional abuse from someone who has been researching, writing about and treating narcissism and emotional abuse for over a decade.
Dr. Hawkins is a best-selling author and clinical psychologist with over three decades of experience helping people break unhealthy patterns and build healthier relationships.
He is the founder and director of the Marriage Recovery Center and the Emotional Abuse Institute which offers education, training and counseling for people who want to break free of, and heal from, emotional abuse. Whether the perpetrator of the abuse is your spouse, partner, parent, boss, friend or family member, we offer practical advice for anyone trapped in a toxic, destructive relationship.
In addition to narcissism & emotional abuse, you’ll learn about the lesser known forms of abuse, including covert abuse, reactive abuse, spiritual abuse, secondary abuse, relationship trauma and much more.