It was Socrates who famously said that the “unexamined life is not worth living”. Many of us get to a season in life where we begin to struggle and question everything—who we are, why we’re here, and how to create a life worth living. And while some people think that mood and perspective are all a choice, perhaps sometimes we are at the mercy of life’s natural phases and chapters that are, believe it or not, seemingly hard-wired into our biology. During certain times, we are almost forced to go deeper to find our truth in order to move on into the later chapters of life more elegantly. But to those around us who bear witness to this process, it can certainly appear that we’re not ourselves. It may look like we’re acting out in ways that are confusing and sometimes completely opposed to our prior belief systems and expected behavior.

I’ve spoken about anger a lot, but this is the first time that I’m addressing anger from the female perspective. I’m specifically addressing some of the relationship triggers that cause women to become angry and how woman might experience anger differently than men do.

When we’re extremely angry, physiologically we’re not a whole lot different than a child throwing a tantrum. We’re literally not in our right mind. Blood has moved away from our pre-frontal cortex (the seat of conscious thought) and filled our amygdala, where the fight or flight response is triggered. We call this state being “flooded” or “triggered,” a term coined by Daniel Goleman in his bestselling book Emotional Intelligence. Basically, when you’re in fight or flight mode, you’re in no position to think or communicate logically.