Do insecurities ruin your relationships? Do you find yourself tiptoeing around your mate for fear of losing their affection? Insecurity in relationships may be an issue you have brought with you from your past, needing to be addressed. Learn how from Dr. David B. Hawkins, Director of the Marriage Recovery Center.
Insecurity in Relationships
Insecurity can be a major hurdle in relationships, leading to destructive patterns and misunderstandings between partners. Often, we witness a common dynamic where women pursue while men withdraw, leaving women feeling insecure and grasping for more. It’s essential to recognize this pattern and take steps to create security within the relationship.
In this article, we will explore the concept of insecurity in relationships and discuss a relationship trick that can enhance the bond between partners.
Understanding the Destructive Cycle
In relationships, insecurities can arise from various sources, such as unfaithfulness, betrayal, or other destructive patterns of relating. When women experience these insecurities, they tend to overfunction by trying to pull their partners closer. This can manifest as clutching, grabbing, and an overwhelming desire to seek emotional security. On the other hand, men often feel flooded by these actions, leading to withdrawal as a defense mechanism. This creates a cycle where women push for more, and men give less, resulting in amplified insecurities and disconnection.
Creating Security: The Relationship Trick
To break free from the destructive cycle of insecurity in relationships, it’s crucial to practice creating security first. While the following advice may apply to any gender dynamic, we will focus on women pushing and men withdrawing for the sake of clarity.
- Back off and invite: Instead of pushing for more emotion and security, it’s beneficial for women to take a step back. By creating space and inviting their partners into the relationship, women can promote a sense of safety. This means allowing the man to approach at his own pace and respecting his boundaries. It’s important to remember that men are not trying to escape the relationship but may require a little less intensity to feel secure.
- Communicate calmly and respectfully: Effective communication plays a vital role in building security. Instead of overwhelming your partner with emotions, express your needs in a calm and respectful manner. Clearly communicate what specific actions or behaviors would make you feel more secure. By using a calm voice and respectful approach, you increase the likelihood of your partner responding positively.
- Ask for what you want: To foster security, it’s essential to ask for what you need explicitly. If there are specific actions your partner can take to enhance your sense of security, don’t hesitate to request them. However, make sure to frame your requests in a considerate manner, emphasizing the importance of your emotional well-being and the overall health of the relationship.
- Foster open dialogue: Encourage open and honest conversations about insecurities and relationship needs. By creating a safe space where both partners can express their feelings without judgment or defensiveness, you can address insecurities head-on. Remember that vulnerability is a powerful tool in building trust and fostering emotional security.
The Benefits of Creating Security
By implementing these practices, you pave the way for a healthier and more secure relationship. When women back off from overfunctioning and invite their partners in, men feel less overwhelmed and more inclined to provide the security their partners seek. Moreover, by communicating needs respectfully and clearly, you increase the chances of your partner meeting those needs.
In summary, insecurity in relationships can lead to destructive patterns, but it is possible to break free from this cycle. By practicing the relationship trick of creating security, both partners can foster a stronger connection.
Remember to invite your partner into the relationship, communicate calmly and respectfully, ask for what you need, and promote open dialogue. By doing so, you will be well on your way to building a more secure and fulfilling relationship.
Also read: The Narcissistic Sense of Entitlement
About Dr. Hawkins:
The internet is inundated with hyperbole and misinformation about narcissism, leaving many people confused and hopeless. Get the facts on narcissism and emotional abuse from someone who has been researching, writing about and treating narcissism and emotional abuse for over a decade.
Dr. Hawkins is a best-selling author and clinical psychologist with over three decades of experience helping people break unhealthy patterns and build healthier relationships.
He is the founder and director of the Marriage Recovery Center and the Emotional Abuse Institute which offers education, training and counseling for people who want to break free of, and heal from, emotional abuse. Whether the perpetrator of the abuse is your spouse, partner, parent, boss, friend or family member, we offer practical advice for anyone trapped in a toxic, destructive relationship.
In addition to narcissism & emotional abuse, you’ll learn about the lesser known forms of abuse, including covert abuse, reactive abuse, spiritual abuse, secondary abuse, relationship trauma and much more.