Leading Authority in Treatment of Narcissism and Emotional Abuse

Mindful Speaking

How to Practice Mindful Speaking

Speaking with anger in your heart often creates more conflict. By practicing mindful speaking and watching your words, conversations with your partner can begin to become more productive and start your relationship on the road to healing.

How to Practice Mindful Speaking

Effective communication is at the heart of any healthy relationship, be it with your partner, family, friends, or colleagues. But what happens when conversations take a difficult turn, especially when they involve conflict? In such moments, our responses are often driven by strong emotions like anger, fear, or anxiety. These emotions can lead us to react hastily, saying things we might later regret. In this article, we will explore the concept of mindful speaking and provide practical guidance on how to respond thoughtfully during challenging conversations.

Understanding the Impact of Your Words

Imagine you are engaged in a conversation with your partner, and they have just said something that has triggered a strong emotional response in you. It could be a hurtful comment, a disagreement, or any statement that makes you feel uneasy. In such situations, it’s crucial to pause and reflect before responding.

Picture this scenario: You and your partner are standing close together, and the atmosphere is charged with tension. It’s your turn to speak. You might be tempted to respond in kind, matching their snarl with your own. However, before you utter a word, ask yourself a critical question: “Will what I say next bring us closer together or push us further apart?”

Conversations are like living entities that evolve with each exchange. They create an atmosphere in the room, and every sentence you utter contributes to this evolving atmosphere. Responding hastily and with negativity can escalate conflicts, increasing the emotional distance between you and your partner. It’s essential to remember that you can’t control your partner’s choices, but you can control your own.

The Power of Mindful Speaking

Mindful speaking is the practice of responding consciously and thoughtfully in conversations, especially during moments of conflict. It involves being aware of the impact your words can have on the course of the conversation and the emotions of the other person. Instead of reacting impulsively, mindful speaking encourages you to respond with intention, aiming for resolution and maintaining a connection.

Here are some key principles of mindful speaking:

1. Pause and Reflect

When faced with a challenging comment or situation, take a moment to pause and collect your thoughts. Give yourself the time to process your emotions and consider your response carefully. This pause allows you to detach from the immediate emotional reaction and think about the bigger picture.

2. Empathize and Understand

Try to see the situation from the other person’s perspective. Empathize with their feelings and thoughts, even if you disagree. Understanding their viewpoint can help you respond in a way that acknowledges their emotions, fostering a sense of validation and respect.

3. Choose Your Words Wisely

Words have the power to heal or harm, so choose them wisely. Avoid responding with hurtful or defensive language. Instead, opt for words that promote understanding and encourage open communication. Be mindful of your tone and body language as well; they play a significant role in conveying your message.

4. Focus on Resolution

Keep your ultimate goal in mind: resolution and maintaining a healthy connection. Your response should invite the other person to stay engaged in the conversation, making it easier for them to express their thoughts and feelings. Aim for a constructive dialogue rather than a heated argument.

5. Stay Patient

Mindful speaking requires patience. Some conversations may take time to reach a resolution, and that’s okay. Be patient with yourself and the other person as you work through the issues at hand.

The Two Lines Metaphor

A helpful way to visualize mindful speaking is to imagine two lines that represent you and your partner in the conversation. These lines need to remain close together to work through challenges effectively and maintain a healthy relationship. Your words and actions should be measured against this image: will they bring the lines closer together, keep them in the same position, or push them further apart?


In any relationship, conflicts and challenging conversations are inevitable. However, the way we respond to these moments can make all the difference. Practicing mindful speaking allows us to navigate difficult conversations with empathy, understanding, and intention. By choosing our words carefully and focusing on resolution, we can foster healthier relationships and create an atmosphere of open communication and mutual respect.

Remember that mindful speaking is a skill that requires practice and patience. Over time, it can become a natural part of your communication style, leading to more positive and constructive interactions with those around you. So, the next time you find yourself in a heated conversation, take a deep breath, pause, and ask yourself: “Will my words bring us closer together or push us further apart?” Your conscious choice can make all the difference in building and maintaining meaningful connections.

To learn how we can help, reach out to us at (206) 219-0145 or info@marriagerecoverycenter.com to speak with a Client Care Specialist

Also read: How to Navigate Conflict in a Relationship

About Dr. Hawkins:

The internet is inundated with hyperbole and misinformation about narcissism, leaving many people confused and hopeless. Get the facts on narcissism and emotional abuse from someone who has been researching, writing about and treating narcissism and emotional abuse for over a decade.

Dr. Hawkins is a best-selling author and clinical psychologist with over three decades of experience helping people break unhealthy patterns and build healthier relationships.

He is the founder and director of the Marriage Recovery Center and the Emotional Abuse Institute which offers education, training and counseling for people who want to break free of, and heal from, emotional abuse. Whether the perpetrator of the abuse is your spouse, partner, parent, boss, friend or family member, we offer practical advice for anyone trapped in a toxic, destructive relationship.

In addition to narcissism & emotional abuse, you’ll learn about the lesser known forms of abuse, including covert abuse, reactive abuse, spiritual abuse, secondary abuse, relationship trauma and much more



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