A Love Life of Your Dreams
Dr. David B. Hawkins, MSW, MA, PhD
“May the love hidden deep inside your heart find the love waiting in your dreams. May the laughter that you find in your tomorrow wipe away the pain you find in your yesterdays.”
Congratulations! You have taken the first step toward having the love life of your dreams. Everything begins with a first step, and you have taken it.
If you check out my website, and the many books I’ve written and hundreds of couples I’ve helped at The Marriage Recovery Center, you’ll realize I’m here for the long run. I want to help you—and I can!
I can only help, however, if you’ll invite me into your life.
I understand that this will take time and you must learn to trust me.
You must determine that I am who I say I am, can do what I say I can do, and will stick with you during this growth process. I understand this.
Most couples coming to see me have tried other forms of counseling before, only to be sorely disappointed. There are several reasons for that which I would like to share with you briefly, helping you to see this is different.
- First – Many marriage counselors do not specialize in marriage counseling.
They have taken a course or two in the art of marriage counseling, but it is not their specialty. Marriage counseling is a specialty—it takes extra training to fully understand how to make an impact into relationships with layers of challenges.
- Second – Many marriage counselors simply try to put bandages on the problems.
While they are well-meaning, they simply offer tools for communicating. Perhaps they offer reading materials. They may have you practice a few techniques. While this is all good, it is far too simplistic. There are layers of issues that must be understood and dealt with.
- Third – Many marriage counselors still function on the 50 minute hour.
It is ridiculous to think you can unlayer the layers of issues in 45-50 minutes, left to flounder for the rest of the week. No, you need special attention, time to fully disclose and reveal the nuances of the problems you are experiencing. You need someone to take a keen interest in what you are experiencing, and then to offer real solutions.
- Fourth – Many counselors don’t really know how to help you connect.
Frankly, most are overwhelmed by the complexities of marriage counseling. They dread the layers of problems, the heated tension and challenges inherent in marriage counseling. It takes a true specialist who enjoys marriage counseling to help you.
- Finally – Many counselors won’t take an active interest in you.
They fit you into their busy schedule, only to leave you feeling abandoned to figure things out on your own. Like a specialized surgeon, you need someone who will go deep with you, care genuinely about you, and walk with you through the entire process until you have reconnected to your mate.
Entering a Change Process
I also understand that you want to feel like you are in this change process with your mate—that they are invested in the change process with you. Sometimes it takes time and work, along with a bit of strategy, to get a partner to participate in the change process. Many find their mate to be resistant to change, and this is another area of specialty for me.
I assure you that together we can create a situation where your mate will be willing to participate in the counseling/ change process.
Before going any further, I want you to understand my philosophy about the change process. What is your role, what is your mate’s role, and what is my role?
I have a very unique perspective on what true marriage counseling looks like. I have a unique point of view about how you got to where you are, and what it will take to get to a new place.
Consider this philosophy which I believe to be true of couples:
“We have co-created our problems, have co-dependently enabled them to continue, and must co-labor to fix them. Together we can move from a place of Confusion, to a place of Clarity, leading us to a place of Conviction, which takes us to honest Confrontation, and finally to making healthier Choices. At first we will experience Chaos as we make these new Choices, but ultimately we will reach a place of Connection.”
Yes, this was a mouthful, but I’d like you to examine what I’ve said to see if this is true for you. You need not remain in confusion any longer. I can help you gain clarity, so that you will know exactly what you need to do to bring about change in your relationship. I promise to partner with you tirelessly to bring about true, healthy change.
Are you ready for a love life of your dreams?
I have a powerful program, in which I would like to partner with you to make wonderful, healthy, loving connection with your mate. As I said in my Philosophy statement, there will be times of chaos as you move from the old way of relating to the new way. But, I assure you, if you stick with it, and allow me to coach you, positive change will occur. If one person in a relationship changes, the other must by necessity change as well.
The next step is yours to take.
You have the opportunity to download the eBook, A Love Life of Your Dreams. With this manual in your hands, and me there to guide you, you will experience relationship success and profound connection. I look forward to working with you to achieve a love life of your dreams.
Dr. David Hawkins