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why is gaslighting so dangerous

Why is Gaslighting So Dangerous?

Dr David B Hawkins, Licensed Clinical Psychologist and Director of The Marriage Recovery Center shares about the dangers of Gaslighting. He explains more about Narcissism being a Spectrum Disorder, how and when there is hope for change, and why gaslighting is so dangerous.

Why Is Gaslighting So Dangerous?

Gaslighting is a term that has gained significant attention in recent years due to its destructive impact on individuals’ mental and emotional well-being. It involves a manipulative tactic used by narcissists to make their victims doubt their own thoughts, memories, and actions. Gaslighting is a deeply hurtful and insidious behavior that can have severe consequences for the victim’s self-esteem, sanity, and overall psychological health. In this article, we will explore the dangerous nature of gaslighting, its impact on victims, and the importance of recognizing and addressing this manipulation tactic.

The Essence of Gaslighting

Gaslighting is a psychological manipulation tactic wherein the narcissist intentionally tries to undermine the victim’s perception of reality. By distorting facts, denying events, and sowing seeds of doubt, the narcissist gains control over the victim’s thoughts, emotions, and behaviors. This insidious form of manipulation is often driven by the narcissist’s fear of being held accountable or facing their own shortcomings. Gaslighting is a means for them to maintain power and control over their victims.

Understanding the Fragile Ego

Gaslighting is deeply rooted in the narcissist’s fragile ego. Unlike healthy individuals who can experience healthy shame and remorse, narcissists struggle to take responsibility for their actions. In a healthy relationship, when confronted with hurtful behavior, a person acknowledges their mistake, expresses remorse, and commits to change. However, a narcissist, driven by their wounded ego, deflects blame and attempts to evade accountability. Gaslighting is their weapon of choice to make the victim question their own reality and protect their fragile self-image.

The Techniques of Gaslighting

Gaslighting takes various forms, all aimed at undermining the victim’s sense of self and reality. These techniques include forgetting, fogging, blame-shifting, trivializing, sanitizing, and justifying. By using these tactics, the narcissist creates confusion and self-doubt in the victim’s mind, making them question their own sanity and reliability. The goal is to erode the victim’s self-confidence and make them more susceptible to manipulation and control.

Recognizing Gaslighting in Relationships

Gaslighting can occur in any type of relationship, whether it’s a romantic partnership, friendship, family dynamic, or even in professional settings. It often starts subtly, making it challenging for the victim to recognize the manipulation early on. The narcissist’s gaslighting tactics may involve denying or downplaying hurtful actions, distorting the truth, dismissing the victim’s concerns, or outright blaming the victim for the problems in the relationship. Over time, the victim’s perception of reality becomes distorted, and they may even start questioning their own memory and sanity.

The Impact of Gaslighting

Gaslighting can have severe consequences for the victim’s mental and emotional well-being. The constant manipulation and self-doubt inflicted by the narcissist can lead to anxiety, depression, low self-esteem, and even post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD). Victims of gaslighting often feel isolated, trapped, and unable to trust their own judgment. They may become dependent on the narcissist for validation and lose touch with their own sense of self.

Escaping the Gaslighting Trap

Recognizing and addressing gaslighting is crucial for the victim’s well-being and recovery. Seeking support from trusted friends, family, or professionals can provide validation and help the victim regain confidence in their own perceptions. Building a strong support system is essential for breaking free from the manipulation and restoring a sense of self. In some cases, ending the relationship with the narcissist may be the healthiest option to protect one’s mental and emotional health.

The Spectrum of Narcissism

It’s important to note that narcissism exists on a spectrum, ranging from mild to moderate to severe. While severe narcissistic personality disorder poses significant dangers and requires utmost caution, individuals with milder narcissistic traits may not be intentionally plotting to gaslight their victims. Instead, they have developed a protective character armor, resembling the emotional maturity of a six-year-old. Understanding the extent of narcissistic traits can help victims make informed decisions about their relationships and seek appropriate interventions if change is possible.

The Road to Healing

Although it is challenging, some narcissists can undergo healing and change with the right interventions and therapy. However, it is crucial to acknowledge that not all narcissists can or will change. Even those with milder narcissistic traits have deeply ingrained defensive mechanisms that take time and effort to dismantle. Seeking professional help, such as couples counseling, can provide guidance and support for both the victim and the narcissist, but it should be approached with caution and realistic expectations.


Gaslighting is a dangerous form of psychological manipulation that can cause significant harm to victims. By sowing seeds of doubt and distorting reality, narcissists gain control over their victims’ thoughts, emotions, and actions. It is essential for individuals experiencing gaslighting to recognize the manipulation, seek support, and consider their options for a healthier future. Understanding the spectrum of narcissism and the potential for change can guide victims in making informed decisions about their relationships and well-being. Gaslighting is a serious issue that requires attention, awareness, and action to protect individuals from its destructive effects.

To learn how we can help, reach out to us at (206) 219-0145 or info@marriagerecoverycenter.com to speak with a Client Care Specialist

Also read: How to Treat Sexual Addiction

About Dr. Hawkins:

The internet is inundated with hyperbole and misinformation about narcissism, leaving many people confused and hopeless. Get the facts on narcissism and emotional abuse from someone who has been researching, writing about and treating narcissism and emotional abuse for over a decade.

Dr. Hawkins is a best-selling author and clinical psychologist with over three decades of experience helping people break unhealthy patterns and build healthier relationships.

He is the founder and director of the Marriage Recovery Center and the Emotional Abuse Institute which offers education, training and counseling for people who want to break free of, and heal from, emotional abuse. Whether the perpetrator of the abuse is your spouse, partner, parent, boss, friend or family member, we offer practical advice for anyone trapped in a toxic, destructive relationship.

In addition to narcissism & emotional abuse, you’ll learn about the lesser known forms of abuse, including covert abuse, reactive abuse, spiritual abuse, secondary abuse, relationship trauma and much more.



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