Narcissists are known for their manipulative behavior, and one of their most common tactics is lying. They twist reality, distort the truth, and gaslight their victims to maintain control and protect their fragile egos. While not every narcissist wakes up with the conscious intent to deceive, their habitual dishonesty serves a clear purpose: to avoid accountability and to manipulate those around them.

So why do narcissists always lie?

In this article, we will explore three of the most common lies narcissists tell, how they use these lies to their advantage, and how you can protect yourself from their manipulations.

1. “I Never Said That”

One of the most infuriating lies a narcissist will tell is, “I never said that.” This form of gaslighting makes you question your own memory and perception of reality. Imagine confronting a narcissist about a hurtful comment they made, only for them to flatly deny ever saying it. They will backtrack, minimize, rationalize, justify, or completely dismiss your concerns.

This tactic serves two purposes:

• Avoiding accountability – By denying their words, they escape any responsibility for the harm they caused.
• Gaslighting the victim – If you begin to doubt yourself, the narcissist gains control over the narrative. Over time, this can lead to self-doubt and emotional confusion.

In relationships, this kind of manipulation can make you feel like you’re losing your mind. No matter how certain you are of what was said, the narcissist’s unwavering denial can leave you questioning your own reality. This behavior is particularly evident in emotionally abusive relationships, where victims are constantly made to feel uncertain about their own experiences.

2. “You’re Too Sensitive”

Another common lie narcissists tell is that their victims are “too sensitive.” When confronted about their hurtful behavior, they dismiss your feelings, shift the blame, and make you feel like you’re overreacting. This tactic is a form of emotional invalidation and serves as a means to escape accountability.

Why do they do this? Because acknowledging your pain would require them to confront their own shortcomings, which they are unwilling to do. Instead of offering an apology or expressing remorse, they turn the situation around to make it seem as if you are the problem.

For example, if you express that a comment they made was offensive or hurtful, they might respond with:

• “You’re being dramatic.”
• “I was just joking.”
• “You always overreact.”

This is a deliberate effort to make you second-guess your emotions and accept their distorted version of events. Over time, this tactic can erode your self-esteem and make you hesitant to express your emotions altogether.

3. “Everyone Agrees With Me”

A particularly insidious lie that narcissists tell is, “Everyone agrees with me.” They might claim to have spoken to your friends, family, or even your children, asserting that they all share the narcissist’s perspective. This tactic serves to isolate you and reinforce the idea that you are alone in your viewpoint.

For instance, a narcissist might say:

• “I talked to your best friend, and she agrees that you’re overreacting.”
• “Even our kids think you’re too sensitive.”
• “Everyone at work thinks you’re being unreasonable.”

In reality, even if they have spoken to others, their retelling of the conversation is often highly distorted or completely fabricated. This tactic is a form of triangulation, where the narcissist brings in third parties—real or imaginary—to bolster their argument and undermine your confidence.

By making you feel isolated, the narcissist strengthens their control over you. You may feel compelled to doubt your own perceptions, cave into their demands, or withdraw from people who could otherwise support you.

Why Narcissists Lie

At their core, narcissists lie for a simple reason: self-preservation. Their lies help them:

• Maintain control over others
• Protect their fragile egos
• Avoid feeling healthy shame, remorse, or regret

Unlike emotionally mature individuals who can acknowledge their mistakes and work to correct them, narcissists see accountability as a threat. Instead of admitting fault, they manipulate, distort, and deceive to keep themselves in a position of power.

How to Protect Yourself

Understanding these lies is the first step toward protecting yourself from narcissistic manipulation. Here are some ways to maintain your emotional stability in the face of their deceit:

• Trust Your Own Reality – If you heard them say something, believe yourself. If you feel hurt, your emotions are valid.
• Keep Records – In situations where a narcissist frequently denies past statements, keeping a written record of conversations (texts, emails, voice recordings if legally permitted) can help you maintain clarity.
• Set Boundaries – If a narcissist constantly dismisses your feelings, it’s crucial to set firm boundaries. Refuse to engage in conversations that invalidate your emotions.
• Seek Support – Having a strong support system can help counteract the effects of narcissistic manipulation. Trusted friends, family, or a therapist can validate your experiences and offer guidance.

Why Do Narcissists Always Lie? – Final Thoughts

Narcissists are master manipulators, and lying is one of their primary tools. Whether they deny their words, dismiss your emotions, or claim that everyone agrees with them, their goal is always the same: to protect their ego and maintain control.

By recognizing these lies for what they are, you can regain confidence in your own perceptions, set healthy boundaries, and refuse to be drawn into their web of deception. Remember, you are not too sensitive, you are not imagining things, and you are not alone in seeing the truth.

To learn how we can help, reach out to us at (206) 219-0145 or info@marriagerecoverycenter.com to speak with a Client Care Specialist

Also read: 7 Steps to Restore Trust After Your Reputation Has Been Harmed

About Dr. Hawkins:

The internet is inundated with hyperbole and misinformation about narcissism, leaving many people confused and hopeless. Get the facts on narcissism and emotional abuse from someone who has been researching, writing about and treating narcissism and emotional abuse for over a decade.

Dr. Hawkins is a best-selling author and clinical psychologist with over three decades of experience helping people break unhealthy patterns and build healthier relationships.

He is the founder and director of the Marriage Recovery Center and the Emotional Abuse Institute which offers education, training and counseling for people who want to break free of, and heal from, emotional abuse. Whether the perpetrator of the abuse is your spouse, partner, parent, boss, friend or family member, we offer practical advice for anyone trapped in a toxic, destructive relationship.

In addition to narcissism & emotional abuse, you’ll learn about the lesser known forms of abuse, including covert abuse, reactive abuse, spiritual abuse, secondary abuse, relationship trauma and much more.