Dr. David Hawkins explains why are narcissists so weak and suggests that narcissism is largely an effort at protecting a weak, insecure ego. He suggests that narcissists are not as secure, strong and effective as they want to defensively believe. He goes on to describe holding them responsible and accountable for change and growth.
Why Are Narcissists So Weak in Character?
Narcissism is a complex personality trait that can wreak havoc in relationships. The emotional abuse, blame-shifting, truth-twisting, and manipulation often leave victims feeling crazy and confused. However, it is important to understand that narcissists exhibit weak character traits rather than intentional maliciousness. In this article, we will explore the reasons why narcissists resort to such behavior and how their actions are driven by a desperate need for self-protection.
The Elusiveness of Crazy-Making Behavior
Crazy-making behavior is challenging to define and recognize because it operates covertly. Unlike a warning sign that signals something is amiss, the tactics employed by narcissists, such as blame-shifting and deception, are subtle and manipulative. This can leave victims feeling confused, questioning their own sanity, and struggling to pinpoint the source of the craziness they experience.
The Unconscious Nature of Narcissistic Behavior
Contrary to popular belief, the majority of narcissists do not consciously wake up every morning plotting malicious acts. Instead, their behavior stems from denial—an unconscious defense mechanism employed to protect themselves. Denial, standing for “Don’t Even Notice I Am Lying to myself,” allows narcissists to shield themselves from accepting responsibility for their troubling actions.
Insecurity and Fear as the Driving Forces
Narcissists may exude an arrogant sense of self and entitlement, but beneath the surface lies deep-rooted insecurity. Their narcissistic behavior is an attempt to safeguard their fragile self-esteem, which is constantly threatened by any criticism or acknowledgment of their imperfections. Rather than processing and reflecting on their actions, narcissists resort to immature mechanisms to deflect blame and preserve their fragile self-image.
Immature Defense Mechanisms of Narcissists
When confronted with their problematic behavior, narcissists deploy various defense mechanisms to protect themselves. These mechanisms include blame-shifting, responsibility shifting, minimizing, rationalizing, justifying, and making excuses. Such tactics are a reflection of their weak character, born out of their fear and inability to handle criticism or accept personal flaws.
The Need for Accountability
While understanding the underlying reasons behind narcissistic behavior can help create empathy, it is crucial not to absolve them of accountability. Holding narcissists accountable for their actions is necessary to foster growth and change. By challenging their thinking errors and refusing to tolerate their destructive behavior, a solid foundation for healing can be established.
Creating a Healing Container
Building a strong and resilient healing container is essential when dealing with narcissists. This container requires unwavering boundaries and a commitment to accountability. By consistently addressing and challenging their behavior within a safe space, there is a possibility for personal growth and transformation. Although narcissists may initially resist change, the presence of a sturdy healing container can offer them the opportunity to evolve.
Conclusion
Understanding that narcissistic behavior stems from weak character traits and a desperate need for self-protection helps to shed light on the dynamics of narcissistic relationships. While it is important to hold narcissists accountable for their actions, creating a healing container that promotes growth and change can potentially lead to positive transformation. By challenging their thinking errors and maintaining strong boundaries, both victims and narcissists can embark on a journey towards healing and personal development.
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Also read: What is the Purpose of Marital Intervention
About Dr. Hawkins:
The internet is inundated with hyperbole and misinformation about narcissism, leaving many people confused and hopeless. Get the facts on narcissism and emotional abuse from someone who has been researching, writing about and treating narcissism and emotional abuse for over a decade.
Dr. Hawkins is a best-selling author and clinical psychologist with over three decades of experience helping people break unhealthy patterns and build healthier relationships.
He is the founder and director of the Marriage Recovery Center and the Emotional Abuse Institute which offers education, training and counseling for people who want to break free of, and heal from, emotional abuse. Whether the perpetrator of the abuse is your spouse, partner, parent, boss, friend or family member, we offer practical advice for anyone trapped in a toxic, destructive relationship.
In addition to narcissism & emotional abuse, you’ll learn about the lesser known forms of abuse, including covert abuse, reactive abuse, spiritual abuse, secondary abuse, relationship trauma and much more.
