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When Pleasing Him is Hurting You

When Pleasing Him is Hurting You

This Relatrick concerns women who are stuck trying to change their man. Frazzled and exhausted, Dr. Hawkins tells them they are trying too hard. In fact, they are enabling the very problem they are trying to change. When Pleasing Him is Hurting You: Listen to how to change this destructive pattern.

When Pleasing Him is Hurting You

In our society, a concerning trend has emerged where women often find themselves over-functioning in relationships while men under-function. This dynamic places an undue burden on women to take care of the relationship, while men remain complacent. Unfortunately, this pattern leads to frustration and hindered personal growth. It is crucial to address this issue and recognize when the act of pleasing him becomes detrimental to your own well-being. In this article, we will explore the implications of this dynamic and discuss steps that women can take to bring about positive change in their relationships.

The Over-Functioning and Under-Functioning Dynamic

A common scenario we observe is women shouldering the responsibility of maintaining and nurturing the relationship, while men tend to resist change and fail to address their weaknesses. Women often find themselves working overtime, acting as caretakers, and naively hoping for a better future. Meanwhile, men may rely on their charm while failing to fully engage or contribute to the relationship. This lopsided dynamic eventually leads to bitterness for women, who tirelessly strive for change.

Breaking the Cycle: Steps for Positive Change

  1. End Your Paralysis: Realize that waiting for the situation to magically improve will not yield the desired results. Change begins with you. Act differently and take charge of your own happiness and fulfillment.
  2. Stop Enabling Destructive Behavior: Refuse to tolerate abusive or destructive behavior. Set clear boundaries and communicate your expectations. By doing so, you establish a foundation for healthy interactions and demand respect within the relationship.
  3. Insist on Depth Change: Superficial changes will not suffice. Encourage your partner to engage in couples counseling or therapy. This provides an opportunity for both partners to address deep-seated issues, facilitating true transformation and growth within the relationship.
  4. Take Responsibility for Changing the Marriage Dance: Although it may seem unfair that the burden of change falls on you, recognize that you possess the insight and understanding necessary to initiate transformation. Embrace the challenge and proactively take steps to make positive changes in the relationship.


When the act of pleasing your partner starts to negatively impact your own well-being, it is vital to break the cycle. The transcript sheds light on the issue of women over-functioning and men under-functioning in relationships. By recognizing the need for change, setting boundaries, insisting on depth change, and taking responsibility for the marriage dance, you empower yourself to create a healthier and more balanced relationship. Remember, change starts with you, and as you take control of your own happiness, you pave the way for positive change in your relationship.

To learn how we can help, reach out to us at (206) 219-0145 or info@marriagerecoverycenter.com to speak with a Client Care Specialist

Also read: The Truth Behind Covert Abuse Exposed

About Dr. Hawkins:

The internet is inundated with hyperbole and misinformation about narcissism, leaving many people confused and hopeless. Get the facts on narcissism and emotional abuse from someone who has been researching, writing about and treating narcissism and emotional abuse for over a decade.

Dr. Hawkins is a best-selling author and clinical psychologist with over three decades of experience helping people break unhealthy patterns and build healthier relationships.

He is the founder and director of the Marriage Recovery Center and the Emotional Abuse Institute which offers education, training and counseling for people who want to break free of, and heal from, emotional abuse. Whether the perpetrator of the abuse is your spouse, partner, parent, boss, friend or family member, we offer practical advice for anyone trapped in a toxic, destructive relationship.

In addition to narcissism & emotional abuse, you’ll learn about the lesser known forms of abuse, including covert abuse, reactive abuse, spiritual abuse, secondary abuse, relationship trauma and much more.


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