Robert Frost’s words, “Two roads diverged in a wood, and I— I took the one less traveled by, and that has made all the difference,” resonate deeply in many facets of life, particularly when it comes to personal growth and self-awareness.
One area where this philosophy can be transformative is in overcoming narcissistic tendencies or traits. In a world where denial and self-deception are easy routes, choosing the road of growth and recovery may be the more challenging, yet rewarding, path.
In this article, we explore two metaphorical roads—one marked by denial and the other by a recovery mindset—and how they lead to very different destinations in the journey to overcome narcissism.
The Road of Denial
The road of denial is one that many people unknowingly travel. It is a path marked by closed-mindedness, arrogance, and a refusal to take responsibility. For individuals exhibiting narcissistic behaviors, this is often the default route. Let’s delve into the characteristics of this road to understand why it leads to destructive outcomes.
1. Closed-Mindedness and Rigidity
The first defining feature of the road of denial is closed-mindedness. A person on this path believes they already know everything they need to know. They approach life with a sense of rigidity, resistant to change or new perspectives. The mindset is essentially, “I’ve got it all figured out; I don’t need to learn or improve.” This arrogance creates a mental barrier to growth, trapping the individual in a cycle of stagnation.
2. Ignoring Warning Signs
Travelers on the road of denial often disregard the numerous warning signs that could prevent personal disaster. In the case of narcissism, these signs might manifest as broken relationships, feedback from loved ones, or recurring emotional conflict.
Despite these glaring signals, individuals continue down the path of denial, oblivious to the impending consequences. When they eventually find themselves in a problematic situation, they are often surprised, though the warning signs were always present.
3. Denial of Responsibility
One of the hallmarks of narcissism is the refusal to accept responsibility. For individuals on the denial path, the fault always lies elsewhere—whether it’s their partner, their circumstances, or society at large. They see themselves as victims of their environment, never the architects of their own problems. This refusal to acknowledge personal responsibility is detrimental to growth and healing.
4. Self-Deception
Self-deception is another key element on this road. Instead of confronting the truth, individuals tell themselves stories that cast them in a favorable light. In these narratives, they are never the villain; the blame always falls on others. This constant self-deception prevents them from seeing the real issues that need addressing and fosters an environment where narcissistic behaviors thrive.
5. Lack of Growth
Perhaps the most critical signpost on the road of denial is the absence of positive change. Even when individuals claim they are “trying” to improve, it’s often a half-hearted effort. They are not genuinely in a state of training, where consistent, intentional actions are taken toward growth. As a result, they remain stuck, repeating the same negative patterns and behaviors.
The road of denial is ultimately a road to nowhere. It is filled with falsehoods, blame-shifting, and emotional stagnation. But there is another path—the road less traveled—that offers hope for real change.
The Road to Recovery
In stark contrast to the road of denial, the road to recovery is characterized by openness, accountability, and a commitment to personal growth. This path requires effort, but the rewards are profound. Here’s what the journey looks like for those seeking to overcome narcissistic tendencies.
1. Openness to Feedback
The first step on the road to overcome narcissism is a willingness to receive critical feedback. Individuals on this path acknowledge that they do not have all the answers and are open to learning from others. Whether it’s from a therapist, a loved one, or a self-help book, they actively seek out new perspectives that challenge their existing worldview. This humility is a cornerstone of growth.
2. A Shift in Focus
Another defining feature of the recovery mindset is a shift in focus. Instead of wasting energy on unproductive behaviors like blaming others or defending their ego, individuals refocus their energy on productive endeavors. They understand that growth requires effort, and they commit to putting that effort into areas that will foster positive change, such as improving communication skills, practicing empathy, or developing emotional intelligence.
3. Embracing Honest Self-Reflection
The road to recovery is also marked by deep self-reflection. Individuals on this path are willing to take an honest look at themselves, acknowledging the half-truths and justifications they have used to excuse their behavior.
They practice what is known in some recovery programs as “first thought wrong,” where they recognize that their initial impulses or reactions may not always be the most constructive. This willingness to challenge their own perspective is a critical step in overcoming narcissistic tendencies.
4. Commitment to Personal Growth
Unlike the vague and inconsistent efforts seen on the road of denial, those on the recovery path are in “training.” They are not merely trying—they are actively practicing and honing new skills. Whether it’s learning to listen more empathetically, developing healthier conflict resolution strategies, or working through past emotional wounds, individuals on this path are fully engaged in the process of personal transformation. They understand that real change takes time and effort, and they are committed to the journey.
5. Exploring Emotional Depth
One of the final markers of the recovery path is a deep exploration of one’s emotional landscape. Narcissism often results in superficiality—focusing on external appearances or achievements rather than emotional depth.
But individuals on the road to recovery are willing to explore their inner world. They seek to understand what drives their behaviors, what wounds they may be carrying, and how they can heal from them. This emotional exploration is critical for long-term change and helps to cultivate genuine empathy and connection with others.
Choosing the Road Less Traveled to Overcome Narcissism
The road of denial is easy. It’s the well-worn path, traveled by those who resist change and cling to their ego. But the road to recovery—the road less traveled—is where true growth occurs. It requires humility, effort, and a willingness to confront uncomfortable truths. But for those who are willing to walk this path, the rewards are immense.
Dr. David Hawkins from the Marriage Recovery Center and the Emotional Abuse Institute emphasizes the importance of choosing this path, especially for those seeking to overcome narcissism. His advice is clear: if you’ve been called a narcissist, or if you recognize traits in yourself that align with narcissistic behaviors, you have a choice. You can continue down the road of denial, or you can take the road less traveled—the road of recovery.
By embracing this path, you commit to a journey of self-discovery, growth, and healing. It is a challenging road, but as Frost’s famous poem reminds us, it is the one that will make all the difference.
To learn how we can help, reach out to us at (206) 219-0145 or info@marriagerecoverycenter.com to speak with a Client Care Specialist
Also read: 3 Danger Signs of Unhealthy Narcissism
About Dr. Hawkins:
The internet is inundated with hyperbole and misinformation about narcissism, leaving many people confused and hopeless. Get the facts on narcissism and emotional abuse from someone who has been researching, writing about and treating narcissism and emotional abuse for over a decade.
Dr. Hawkins is a best-selling author and clinical psychologist with over three decades of experience helping people break unhealthy patterns and build healthier relationships.
He is the founder and director of the Marriage Recovery Center and the Emotional Abuse Institute which offers education, training and counseling for people who want to break free of, and heal from, emotional abuse. Whether the perpetrator of the abuse is your spouse, partner, parent, boss, friend or family member, we offer practical advice for anyone trapped in a toxic, destructive relationship.
In addition to narcissism & emotional abuse, you’ll learn about the lesser known forms of abuse, including covert abuse, reactive abuse, spiritual abuse, secondary abuse, relationship trauma and much more.
