Dr. David Hawkins, Director of The Marriage Recovery Center, discusses ways to stop fighting in your marriage. He discusses the importance of managing your emotions, seeing your mate as an ally and not an adversary, and simply refusing to fight. He offers ways to engage your mate in a cooperative, collaborative and communicative marriage.
How to Stop Fighting in Your Marriage
Are you in a marriage where there is more conflict than peace? Do you become weary of the next time you’re going to have a conflict because you know it could lead to fighting for hours, maybe even days? Well, you’re going to be interested in what I have to share with you today about never fighting again. Yeah, never fight again, guaranteed!
Now, can I really make the guarantee that you will never fight again? Of course not. However, I want you to entertain the idea that fighting is optional. Someone much smarter than me has said, “You don’t have to attend every fight you’re invited to.” What does that mean? It’s a cool concept that means you don’t have to attend every fight you’re invited to.
Creating a Healing Container
To move from a place of conflict to a place of peace in your marriage, you have to create a healing container. A healing container is a safe place where you and your partner have agreed to the principle of being in this together and figuring things out.
It means being on the same team, cooperating, collaborating, communicating, and going in the same direction.
Stop Destructive Behaviors
In order to create a healing container, you must stop engaging in destructive behaviors. These behaviors include arguing, fighting, positioning yourselves as adversaries, and lecturing each other. It is essential to manage your emotions and focus on talking about the problem rather than attacking the person. By working together and staying in your core selves, you can be cooperative, collaborative, caring, considerate, and concerned.
Remember the C-Words
To ensure you’re in your core self, focus on the C-words: cooperative, collaborative, caring, careful, conscientious, conciliatory, creative, and concerned. By embodying these qualities, you can effectively solve problems and maintain a healthy relationship.
Agree to Work on Problems Together
Sit down with your partner and agree that you will work on problems together. Make a commitment to cooperate, communicate, and collaborate. Remember the importance of being in this together and finding solutions as a team. When conflicts arise, and emotions escalate, call a timeout and end the conversation to prevent further escalation.
Don’t Attend Every Fight You’re Invited to
In summary, don’t attend every fight you’re invited to, and in fact, don’t attend any fight you’re invited to. It takes two to tango, so make a conscious choice to avoid unnecessary conflicts. Form a partnership with your partner and commit to never fighting again. Focus on maintaining a clear, calm, and collected demeanor, and show care and consideration. Listen to each other’s concerns and work together to find resolutions.
Remember, you don’t have to tell your partner about this agreement explicitly. Instead, let your actions speak for themselves. By remaining committed to creating a healing container and fostering a cooperative atmosphere, you will be seen as an ally rather than an adversary.
So, would you join me in forming this partnership to never fight again? Let’s guarantee a peaceful and harmonious relationship. By following these guidelines and solving problems together, you can create a strong foundation for a lasting and fulfilling marriage.
About Dr. Hawkins:
The internet is inundated with hyperbole and misinformation about narcissism, leaving many people confused and hopeless. Get the facts on narcissism and emotional abuse from someone who has been researching, writing about and treating narcissism and emotional abuse for over a decade.
Dr. Hawkins is a best-selling author and clinical psychologist with over three decades of experience helping people break unhealthy patterns and build healthier relationships.
He is the founder and director of the Marriage Recovery Center and the Emotional Abuse Institute which offers education, training and counseling for people who want to break free of, and heal from, emotional abuse. Whether the perpetrator of the abuse is your spouse, partner, parent, boss, friend or family member, we offer practical advice for anyone trapped in a toxic, destructive relationship.
In addition to narcissism & emotional abuse, you’ll learn about the lesser known forms of abuse, including covert abuse, reactive abuse, spiritual abuse, secondary abuse, relationship trauma and much more.