10 Things you Must Know About Recovering Narcissists: Most of the videos on our channel about emotional abuse are from the perspective of the victims. And for good reason. We want to give voice to those who don’t have a voice, to put to words what they’ve not been able to. They feel unseen and unheard and we want to help them to feel seen and heard.
Today, however, Dr. Hawkins shares with you some of the perspectives of the men in his recovery program for perpetrators of emotional abuse. And no, perpetrators are not always men, but the groups he works with happen to be men, so that is the pronoun used in this video. Please note, this does not mean he believes emotional abuse can only be perpetrated by men.
This video intends to give you some insight into the mind of a person who is on a recovery journey, and some of the things that can either sabotage, or aid in their recovery. Their journey is their journey, and the victim is not in any way responsible for their healing. But if this person is a part of your life, and your ultimate goal is healthy connection, Dr. Hawkins lets you in on some things you may find helpful to know.
10 Things you MUST Know About Recovering Narcissists
Narcissism and emotional abuse have become pervasive issues in today’s society, leaving many individuals struggling to cope with the aftermath. While much attention has been given to what victims of emotional abuse want their abusers to understand, it’s equally important to explore what recovering narcissists want their partners to know. In this series, we will delve into the ten key things that a recovering narcissist desires their partner to understand. Let’s begin this journey of discovery and healing.
1. Acknowledgment of Growth
The first thing a recovering narcissist wants their partner to notice is the effort they are putting into their recovery. It’s crucial to recognize that they have acknowledged their emotionally abusive behavior and are actively working to rid themselves of thinking errors that have clouded their lives. These thinking errors include minimizing their actions, rationalizing their behavior, and shifting blame onto others. By acknowledging their progress, you can play a vital role in supporting their journey towards healthier relationships.
2. Avoid Overlabeling
While labeling behavior can sometimes be beneficial for understanding and communication, it’s important not to label the recovering narcissist solely as a narcissist. Labeling them as such may help you make sense of their actions, but it is not helpful to their recovery. Instead, strive for a balanced approach. Recognize harmful behaviors, but avoid using labels in a hurtful or demeaning way. The goal is to foster effective communication rather than fueling resentment or defensiveness.
3. Embrace Accountability
Accountability is a cornerstone of personal growth for a recovering narcissist. They want their partner to let them know when their behavior hurts them. While this doesn’t mean placing the partner in a parental role, it does emphasize the importance of open and honest communication within the relationship. Accountability allows both parties to address issues as they arise, fostering understanding and growth.
Recovery from narcissism and emotional abuse is a challenging journey, and acknowledging what a recovering narcissist wants their partner to know can be a significant step towards healing. In the upcoming articles in this series, we will continue to explore the remaining essential aspects of this process. Remember, recovery is a journey, not a destination, and understanding each other’s perspectives can pave the way for healthier and more fulfilling relationships.
About Dr. Hawkins:
The internet is inundated with hyperbole and misinformation about narcissism, leaving many people confused and hopeless. Get the facts on narcissism and emotional abuse from someone who has been researching, writing about and treating narcissism and emotional abuse for over a decade.
Dr. Hawkins is a best-selling author and clinical psychologist with over three decades of experience helping people break unhealthy patterns and build healthier relationships.
He is the founder and director of the Marriage Recovery Center and the Emotional Abuse Institute which offers education, training and counseling for people who want to break free of, and heal from, emotional abuse. Whether the perpetrator of the abuse is your spouse, partner, parent, boss, friend or family member, we offer practical advice for anyone trapped in a toxic, destructive relationship.
In addition to narcissism & emotional abuse, you’ll learn about the lesser known forms of abuse, including covert abuse, reactive abuse, spiritual abuse, secondary abuse, relationship trauma and much more.