Narcissistic individuals often resist counseling, making it challenging for partners to seek help for a troubled relationship. However, change is possible when specific strategies are employed. Dr. Hawkins explores the dynamics involved and practical steps to get a narcissist to go to counseling.

Understanding the Challenges

The Reluctance of Men to Seek Help

It is widely observed that men are less likely to seek counseling independently, particularly in the context of emotional or narcissistic abuse. Studies and anecdotal evidence indicate that about 90% of calls to counseling centers come from women.

Men often seek help only when facing a significant crisis, such as a separation or the threat of divorce. This delay can exacerbate the underlying issues, leaving the relationship in a precarious state.

Women as the Primary Initiators

Women are typically the ones who reach out for help, often in a state of desperation. Many express frustration after attempting traditional counseling, only to find that covert issues like emotional abuse remain unresolved. These experiences highlight the need for issue-specific treatment tailored to address narcissistic tendencies and emotional abuse.

The Communication Gap

A common pattern in these dynamics is that men fail to recognize or take seriously their partner’s dissatisfaction until it is almost too late. Women often report having repeatedly communicated their unhappiness through letters, conversations, and even dragging their partner to counseling sessions. Despite these efforts, many men dismiss or underestimate the severity of the issues, leading to further strain in the relationship.

Key Strategies to Motivate Change

Setting Boundaries

A crucial step for women is learning to set effective boundaries. A boundary without consequences is merely a wish. For boundaries to be impactful, they must include clear and enforceable consequences. For example:

• Expressing dissatisfaction clearly and firmly.
• Following through on decisions to create physical or emotional distance if necessary.

These actions signal seriousness and may prompt the narcissistic partner to reconsider their resistance to counseling.

Issuing Consequences

Unfortunately, many narcissists only respond to the threat of losing something valuable, such as the relationship, their partner’s presence, or other aspects of their current lifestyle. This may involve:

• Moving out of the bedroom or home temporarily.
• Withdrawing emotional or physical support until the partner commits to treatment.
• Clearly stating the consequences of continued inaction.

Such measures should not be undertaken lightly, as they require emotional strength and clarity. Consulting with a professional or support network can be invaluable during this process.

The Role of External Motivation

Overcoming Resistance

Initially, many narcissists enter treatment reluctantly, often driven by external factors rather than internal acknowledgment of their issues. They may feel angry, resistant, or even combative. These reactions are part of the process and should not deter their partner or the therapist.

Transitioning to Internal Motivation

Over time, external motivation can evolve into internal motivation. As narcissistic individuals engage with therapy, they may begin to experience the benefits of personal growth, such as improved self-awareness, healthier relationships, and reduced emotional turmoil. This shift often marks a turning point in their journey.

Success Stories

Counseling centers have reported success in working with men who initially resisted treatment. These men often enter programs such as core counseling for narcissistic and emotional abuse issues. While they may start the process reluctantly, many eventually embrace the changes and appreciate the positive impact on their lives and relationships.

Steps for Couples to Rebuild

Individual Support

Both partners may need individual support before they can effectively work on their relationship. Women, in particular, benefit from learning to set boundaries and prioritize their well-being.

Joint Counseling

Once the narcissistic partner has made significant progress in individual therapy, couples counseling can be beneficial. This stage allows both partners to address their shared dynamics and rebuild trust and connection.

How to Get a Narcissist to Go to Counseling – Conclusion

Motivating a narcissist to seek counseling is a challenging but achievable goal. It requires clear communication, firm boundaries, and the willingness to enforce consequences. While the process may begin with external pressure, the potential for personal and relational growth makes the effort worthwhile. By taking these steps, partners can pave the way for a healthier, more fulfilling relationship.

To learn how we can help, reach out to us at (206) 219-0145 or info@marriagerecoverycenter.com to speak with a Client Care Specialist

Also read: Is Blame Shifting a Form of Emotional Abuse?

About Dr. Hawkins:

The internet is inundated with hyperbole and misinformation about narcissism, leaving many people confused and hopeless. Get the facts on narcissism and emotional abuse from someone who has been researching, writing about and treating narcissism and emotional abuse for over a decade.

Dr. Hawkins is a best-selling author and clinical psychologist with over three decades of experience helping people break unhealthy patterns and build healthier relationships.

He is the founder and director of the Marriage Recovery Center and the Emotional Abuse Institute which offers education, training and counseling for people who want to break free of, and heal from, emotional abuse. Whether the perpetrator of the abuse is your spouse, partner, parent, boss, friend or family member, we offer practical advice for anyone trapped in a toxic, destructive relationship.

In addition to narcissism & emotional abuse, you’ll learn about the lesser known forms of abuse, including covert abuse, reactive abuse, spiritual abuse, secondary abuse, relationship trauma and much more.