How do I Know if he’s Really Changing?

Lisa had recently realized that her marriage wasn’t functioning well. She had wrapped her life around Joe, managing the house, the kids, and the schedule to cater to his expectations. Now, several years in, she was becoming aware of some important issues, namely (1) Joe’s “expectations” randomly changed, (2) he did not take her seriously, and (3) he had no real empathy or understanding of her, nor did he seem to want to.
Continue Reading

Sex and the Broken Relationship

How does sex fit into the picture when the relationship is broken and hurting? What about during separation or divorce? On one hand, we’re taught that sex is a very private, personal matter where you can decide what works for you; what you do in the privacy of your own home is up to you. Our culture certainly promotes detaching sex from relationships, claiming it’s not hurting anybody, especially if it’s consensual.
Continue Reading

Why Is Self-Care So Important?

Leaving Yourself Empty Many of us spend much of our lives pouring ourselves out for others. As a daughter, a son, a mother, a husband, a wife, a friend—you’ve given significant amounts of your time and energy to love, serve, care for, and bless the people around you. You’ve lived as if your love could heal them and your vision for them would empower and sustain them.
Continue Reading

Letting Go of Snooping

I need the truth to get back to normal. The first thing we tend to do when our spouse does something to cause suspicion is go digging, scrounging up any and every possible detail and angle we can find to help us “know” what is really going on. Suddenly, we have a desperation to fit pieces together that we didn’t even realize were missing or to find evidence to disprove what we now “know” so we can “go back to normal.”
Continue Reading

Let Your Anger be a Catalyst for Change

She came into her marriage believing they would work through anything.  She thought the times they were immature, or selfish, or careless would simply be the things anyone would walk through as they got older and wiser.  She thought surely God would not allow him to feel okay about raging, deceiving, or dismissing and belittling her. She did not expect a pervasive, steady path toward death of her joy, her hopes, her motivation, or her sense of what she had to offer to the world.
Continue Reading

When Forgiveness is Demanded

“If you had a perfect excuse, you would not need forgiveness; if the whole of your actions needs forgiveness, then there was no excuse for it”- C.S Lewis, Essay on Forgiveness. I can’t tell you how many times I hear, “You just won’t forgive me!  Why won’t you just forgive me? We aren’t moving on or healing because you won’t let it go!” Truth is, your spouse’s forgiveness isn’t the linchpin of reconciliation.  Your changed behavior is. And your changed behavior doesn’t depend on whether or not you’ve been forgiven. Most the time when I have a client who is
Continue Reading

Are You Living “Lost?”

“When we live lost, we settle for a lesser life, a part far too small. And we are subject to the frustration that results in drinking too much, eating too much, sleeping too much, working too much, complaining too much and judging others far too much. But once we get our bearings, become oriented, then we are able to do what we were created to do… love. Be loved by God, love God back and help others experience the same.” – Search & Rescue by Michael Thompson Lost or Found? What does living lost mean? It means going from moment
Continue Reading