For years, the narrative surrounding narcissism has been bleak. Experts have stated that while addicts have a shot at change, narcissists do not. But is this really the case? Is narcissism an untreatable condition, immune to transformation? The answer is more nuanced than some may believe. While addiction is widely recognized as treatable, new research and clinical experiences suggest if addicts can change, so can narcissists—under the right conditions.

The Misconception About Narcissism and Change

Dr. Ramani has been criticized for using hyperbole and misquoting studies when asserting that narcissists cannot change. In reality, the situation is more complex. A longitudinal study published by The New York Times does not support the absolute statement that narcissists are incapable of change. Instead, experts like Dr. Malin from Harvard University emphasize that, left to their own devices, narcissists typically do not change. But does that mean they never can? Not necessarily.

Addiction and Change: A Spectrum of Possibilities

To understand this debate, it helps to look at addiction. The path to recovery varies widely depending on whether someone is in the early, middle, or late stages of addiction. A person in early-stage addiction who undergoes intervention and treatment has a much higher chance of recovery than someone with chronic addiction who has relapsed multiple times.

Similarly, narcissism exists on a spectrum. Someone with mild narcissistic traits may respond better to intervention than a person with full-blown narcissistic personality disorder (NPD). Blanket statements that suggest all narcissists are incapable of change ignore this complexity.

Treatment for Narcissism: A Realistic Perspective

At the Marriage Recovery Center, over 800 men with narcissistic tendencies and patterns of emotional abuse have undergone treatment. The results challenge the notion that narcissists cannot change. While transformation is difficult and slow, it is possible under specific conditions:

• Early Intervention: The earlier narcissistic behaviors are identified and addressed, the greater the chances of improvement.
• Significant Motivation: Many narcissists do not seek help on their own. However, when faced with losing their spouse, job, family, or financial security, they may become willing to engage in treatment.
• Structured, Rigorous Treatment: Change does not happen overnight. The Marriage Recovery Center employs a multi-tiered treatment program lasting over a year, where participants work on owning their abusive behaviors, confronting their distorted mindsets, and developing healthier relational patterns.

Change is a Slow and Nonlinear Process

The process of change is not linear. It often follows the pattern of two steps forward, one step back—or sometimes even two steps forward, two steps back. This is true for both addiction recovery and narcissistic treatment. Setbacks occur, but they do not necessarily indicate failure.

Importantly, the work must be intensive and intentional. Treatment for narcissistic traits requires deep self-examination, accountability, and a commitment to change—qualities that many narcissists resist. However, with persistent intervention, transformation is possible.

Addressing the Common Doubts

Skeptics argue that narcissists do not care about their relationships and are incapable of genuine change. While it is true that some individuals, particularly those at the extreme end of the narcissistic spectrum, may never change, the reality is more nuanced. Many narcissists do, in fact, care about their marriages and livelihoods, even if their behaviors suggest otherwise. This attachment can be leveraged in therapy to encourage change.

Moreover, the assumption that narcissists are incapable of self-awareness is misleading. While self-reflection does not come naturally to them, structured therapy can guide them toward recognizing their harmful behaviors and working to modify them.

The Role of Accountability and Support

One of the key differences between an addict in recovery and a narcissist seeking change is accountability. Addicts often participate in programs like Alcoholics Anonymous (AA), where they are held accountable by peers. Similarly, narcissistic individuals require structured accountability, whether through therapy, mentorship, or support groups.

Without external pressure and guidance, the likelihood of change diminishes significantly. Just as an addict left to their own devices is unlikely to recover, so too is a narcissist who refuses intervention.

A Responsible Approach to the Conversation

It is essential to approach this conversation with responsibility. Generalizations, such as “narcissists cannot change,” create a sense of hopelessness for those in relationships with narcissistic individuals. While it is crucial to acknowledge the difficulty of change, it is equally important to recognize that under specific circumstances, progress is possible.

Just as we do not dismiss all addicts as beyond help, we should not write off all narcissists as incapable of transformation. Instead, we must advocate for evidence-based treatment approaches, rigorous intervention, and informed discussions about the complexities of narcissism and recovery.

If Addicts Can Change, So Can Narcissists!

The claim that “addicts have a shot, but narcissists don’t” oversimplifies a complex issue. Both addiction and narcissism exist on a spectrum, and both conditions require significant effort and intervention for meaningful change to occur. While narcissists may not seek help on their own, with the right motivation, support, and treatment, transformation is possible.

Rather than writing off all narcissists as hopeless cases, let’s adopt a more nuanced, evidence-based perspective—one that acknowledges the difficulty of change but does not rule it out entirely.

To learn how we can help, reach out to us at (206) 219-0145 or info@marriagerecoverycenter.com to speak with a Client Care Specialist

Also read: Don’t Play Their Game: The Dangers of Outsmarting Narcissists

About Dr. Hawkins:

The internet is inundated with hyperbole and misinformation about narcissism, leaving many people confused and hopeless. Get the facts on narcissism and emotional abuse from someone who has been researching, writing about and treating narcissism and emotional abuse for over a decade.

Dr. Hawkins is a best-selling author and clinical psychologist with over three decades of experience helping people break unhealthy patterns and build healthier relationships.

He is the founder and director of the Marriage Recovery Center and the Emotional Abuse Institute which offers education, training and counseling for people who want to break free of, and heal from, emotional abuse. Whether the perpetrator of the abuse is your spouse, partner, parent, boss, friend or family member, we offer practical advice for anyone trapped in a toxic, destructive relationship.

In addition to narcissism & emotional abuse, you’ll learn about the lesser known forms of abuse, including covert abuse, reactive abuse, spiritual abuse, secondary abuse, relationship trauma and much more.