Is your life and marriage feeling chaotic?

Emotionally Destructive MarriageShock and disbelief…these are the most common emotions we hear from women after watching our videos on emotional abuse.  Typically victims of emotional abuse are completely unaware that the abuse is happening, however they DO know that SOMETHING is just not right in their marriage. 

What once started as a dynamic, free, loving, and collaborative marriage, now feels controlling, unequal, fearful and suffocating. 

Through the dysfunction in their marriage, women lose themselves; their identity and their confidence.  Every day it feels impossible to meet the expectations of her spouse. She cannot make simple decisions and is left feeling shamed and guilty

She feels completely hopeless that her marriage can never change.


Symptoms of An Emotionally Destructive Marriage

How do you know for sure if you are in an emotionally abusive marriage? Answer the following questions with a yes or no:

  • Does he verbally attack your character?
  • Do you get blamed and accused?
  • Are his statements judging and shameful?
  • Does he twist what you say?
  • Does his story sound very different than what you remember, rewriting history?
  • Does he play the victim?
  • Does he use manipulation, control and coercion?
  • Are unpredictable explosions a normal part of marriage?
  • Is he often harsh in his criticism?
  • Does he swear at you?
  • Is intimidation used to shut you and the conversation down?
  • Do issues often escalate into anger or rage?

Even 1 “yes” indicates that you are at risk of emotional abuse in your marriage.


The following power and control wheel shows the many ways abuse is used to control and manipulate.Emotionally Destructive Marriage


Myths of Emotionally Destructive Marriage

MYTH #1 

YOU are the Reason he is Emotionally Abusive

TRUTH

No! It is ALL about Him. He is full of hurt and his pain is hurting you. Men also become abusive when they feel completely out of control, feeling inadequate, and are fearful of failure or rejection. There could be additional character issues or a personality disorder that could be contributing to the abusive patterns in him.

MYTH #2 

You must Love him More, Submit more, and Survive the Abuse!

TRUTH

No! Loving him and submitting more will just enable the dysfunction to continue. Intervention is the only way to ensure change.

MYTH #3 

This Marriage is HOPELESS…Divorce is the only option!

TRUTH

There is incredible hope for change if the correct intervention and treatment is implemented. We will teach you how to confront with care and compassion and develop and effective treatment plan.


The Path of Positive Change

  1. Set boundaries with Consequences – The abusive behavior cannot be tolerated anymore. You must set appropriate boundaries, and follow through with consequences if your boundary is violated.
  2. Individual Counseling for you both – Your spouse will need counseling to identify the pain which causes him to lash out in anger while learning to effectively manage his emotions in a healthy way. You must begin identifying the lies that keep you enabling his behavior, as well as rebuilding your core value and identity. Healthy boundaries will also be established to ensure change is consistently happening.
  3. Marriage Counseling – counseling which confronts the dysfunctional, abusive patterns in your marriage is critical. In addition to identifying the patterns, there must be an awareness of character issues and thinking errors that create chaos.

The Marriage Recovery Center specializes in helping those in Emotionally Destructive marriages in our 3 day Marriage Intensives. We believe marriage is an incredible vehicle for change.

During our Marriage Intensives we create a safe environment in a retreat setting, focusing on confronting the destructive patterns of emotional abuse, helping you create boundaries which will foster safety in your marriage, and holding your spouse accountable to change. We will also teach you healthy communication and conflict resolution strategies that will create healthy, loving connection.

  • We are here to help. The counselors here at the Marriage Recovery Center have been specially trained to treat Emotionally Destructive Marriages.

I’d love to offer you a sampling of 2 of my favorite books that speak more about the subject of Emotionally Destructive Marriages

Never Fight Again...Guaranteed
Dealing with the Crazy Makers in your Life

Listen & Watch our Videos as one of my top marriage counselors, Teri Johnson and I talk more about Emotionally Destructive Marriages